Had Enough

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Posts by Had Enough

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  17

  Emotional Stages of Leaving the WT

  by larc in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  since there is a lot of emotion expressed on this discussion forum, i wanted to present a conceptual framework that might be useful.

  elizabeth kiebler-ross studied the emotional state of those facing a terminal illness.

  she concluded that those suffering this fate went through five stages: 1. denial (this can't true; i want a second opinion,etc.),.

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  Had Enough

  Hi Stephenw20:

  Just wanted to quickly acknowledge your answer. I can't stay online and post right now but I'll answer later.

  I appreciate reading your posts on many of the other threads too.

  Thank you,
  Had Enough
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  17

  Emotional Stages of Leaving the WT

  by larc in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  since there is a lot of emotion expressed on this discussion forum, i wanted to present a conceptual framework that might be useful.

  elizabeth kiebler-ross studied the emotional state of those facing a terminal illness.

  she concluded that those suffering this fate went through five stages: 1. denial (this can't true; i want a second opinion,etc.),.

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  Had Enough

  Hi larc:

  Just noticed your post today. I haven't come to this part before but noticed your refence to this thread in your comments to emyrose about depression.

  This post couldn't come at a better time for me. I'm no expert on this subject...just out here floundering around trying to get the right perspective on my feelings.

  I went through the different stages of disbelief or denial once I started finding out more real truths about the WTS. It all seemed to fit though when I gave it lots of thought and was able to put my own experiences as pieces to the big jigsaw puzzle picture of the WTS. Coming here, I was able to read of so many more experiences like mine that I was at least be happy to know that my experiences weren't just something wrong with me, my lack of faith or love or some other label that I put on myself (along with others who labelled me too).

  I definetly do bounce back and forth right now between depression and anger, but mostly get stuck in depression mode basically because of my family situation. I think I could get out of the depression mode and go to acceptance, if my family situation would get fixed.

  I've stopped going to the meetings for about 2 years. My son was da'd a few years before that. My daughter is still very active and they both are married and away from home in other cities.

  The problem: My daughter upholds the WTS policy on shunning my son but they both are in regular contact with me. She constantly asks me about him and what his feelings are about coming back and suggests what I could say or do to encourage him back. I can't stand to see her pain even though I know she is responsible for her own actions. She is convinced if she abides by the WTS, he will come around, just like all the experiences from the WTS prove.

  She suggests that if I went to the meetings that would encourage him to. I can't open up to her about my new beliefs because I fear she would get upset at thinking I'm turning apostate. I truthfully don't know if she would feel obligated to "get help from the elders" for me, and if she did, we all know where that would probably lead. I also have to think of the ripple effect that df'ing me or whatever would have on my aging mother that I need to help my sibling with.

  I know I've received some fine encouragement from here to just fade away and probably could do that more easily if my daughter didn't seem to need me to try and influence my son back....which of course leads me around and around in circles because I feel like I should share my new knowledge with him. I know I probably seem like I'm cowardly sitting on the fence with this, but having experienced the consequences before of being df'd, I just don't know how I would cope. I need my association with my family, and I would feel like such a failure as a mother if I did something that caused my daughter any more pain.

  I don't know if this is what you wanted from this thread. I just thought my situation might lend some light as to why some feel their depression. Mine is caused by an ongoing situation, not from dwelling on the past. Somedays it just makes me want to lock myself up in the house and not answer the phone or see anyone.

  I wish I could find a way out of this. I don't enjoy being so down. I'm usually a fun-loving person, full of kidding and laughter with my friends. It's days that I have confrontations or guilt-trips laid on me, that I can't fight back to because of the threat of shunning, that cause this downward spiral.

  Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be so long....I'm looking for some insight on how to get out of this 'going in circles'...I intend to print off your thoughts and those of introspection and stepenw20 to think on. I know you all have gone and/or are going through your own tough, heartbreaking family circumstances. Maybe you can add something to your post on one who is stuck in the middle and being pulled both ways. I can't see my way out, but sometimes "we can't see the forest for the trees" in order to find our own answers.

  Had Enough..( and join hands with the multitudes of others like me)
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  40

  WE WON!!!!

  by mommy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey all you lovely people.

  i just want to scream it out loud!

  we won!

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  Had Enough

  Way to go MOMMY!!!

  We could tell you were anxious last nite in Chat. What an ordeal! Glad it's all over with and justice was served. You deserve a longggg nap now!

  Had Enough
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  11

  Multiple Sclerosis and Me

  by Esmeralda in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  since i posted in another thread mentioning that i have m.s.

  and it came as a surprise.

  to some, i just thought i'd clarify a bit.... this is why i am so lousy at answering e mail, guys!

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  Had Enough

  To Esmeralda:

  I am so sorry you have this added burden to all the other family tragedies you have gone and are going through. I'm relatively new here but get so much of a boost from your posts I just had to let you know.

  I posted the following note to you on another thread about an hour ago and I'm re-posting it here because I didn't want you to miss my thoughts to you. I said:

  "Just wanted to say Thank You for all the encouragement I have received from your posts. To my first post a month ago, you said:

  This board is a great place to help you ease yourself back into life after the BOrg. We've all been through one issue or another, and someone here will be able to relate to your experience and help you over the rough spots. Funny, isn't it? We don't shun anyone here.

  Those words above and your own personal tragedies you've shared with us, just encourage me to keep on going even though I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. My surviving parent, sibling and one of my children are all still active members. It just saddens me so much to hear how your family treats you. I just don't think I could bear that right now. I know they would shun me if I made a clean break and da'd myself because they shun my da'd son in the name of helping him to see the error of his ways. So I just carry on doing nothing and stewing over wanting to fix everything and can't. The borg just ties our hands.

  Thank you again for all your encouragement. It helps!

  Had Enough"
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  50

  Does the Watchtower break up famelies?

  by OlderTom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my word it does.. when i started studying with the witlesses all of my family and inlaws deserted me for following a stupit cult.

  my wife divorced me and my children won't talk to me.. that's ok because according to jdubs that proves it's the truth.. as i progressed in "the truth(tm)" all my friends started to abandon me because i was always going to those booring meetings.. when i found someone i liked in "the truth" and started associating with her, some of my witness friends tried to break up the friendship.. ie break up another family before it even starts.. after i married her without getting the elder permission, some of my jdub friends tried to df me, to show how much they loved me.. when they failed to df me some of my witless friends decided to shun me anyway even though the elders pronounced us no guilty.. i should have sued the bastards for slander.

  today i'd just give him (the instigator) a good hiding.

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  Had Enough

  Hi uni girl and welcome:
  You are right on the mark when you said no mother or son (or any family member) should have to pretend each other doesn’t exist. I was raised in the “truth” believing whole-heartedly that we were so privileged to be the only religion worshiping God in the only acceptable way but I couldn’t bear to treat my family like that.

  To larc:
  I feel so saddened by your situation. I’ve read many of your posts and appreciate your expressions so much. I hope all goes well with you and your mrs with the elders seeking you out. Hopefully it’s just for a shepherding call to encourage you back to the meetings. I am in the same position (although I haven’t been away as long) and I too fear making it “official” because my family would feel it necessary to shun me too. I don’t know how anyone endures that. At least here you and all of us will not be totally left all alone.

  To TMS:
  What a terrible situation to be put in by an org. that boasts that its identifying fruitage is love. I feel for your experience with your son and how the elders removed your privileges. My own beloved father had his over-40 years as an elder washed down the tubes because he too took in his df’d daughter (me) who had no where to live until I could find a job.

  You are right on when you say that those beautiful words do not mask ugly actions. I too lapped up the pretty picture of a unified org. gushing forth love and justice and had bountiful words of wisdom on how to have a happy family life only to have that pretty picture smashed to bits.

  No wonder I've...
  Had Enough
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  50

  Does the Watchtower break up famelies?

  by OlderTom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my word it does.. when i started studying with the witlesses all of my family and inlaws deserted me for following a stupit cult.

  my wife divorced me and my children won't talk to me.. that's ok because according to jdubs that proves it's the truth.. as i progressed in "the truth(tm)" all my friends started to abandon me because i was always going to those booring meetings.. when i found someone i liked in "the truth" and started associating with her, some of my witness friends tried to break up the friendship.. ie break up another family before it even starts.. after i married her without getting the elder permission, some of my jdub friends tried to df me, to show how much they loved me.. when they failed to df me some of my witless friends decided to shun me anyway even though the elders pronounced us no guilty.. i should have sued the bastards for slander.

  today i'd just give him (the instigator) a good hiding.

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  Had Enough

  To Esmeralda:

  Just wanted to say Thank You for all the encouragement I have received from your posts. To my first post a month ago, you said:

  This board is a great place to help you ease yourself back into life after the BOrg. We've all been through one issue or another, and someone here will be able to relate to your experience and help you over the rough spots. Funny, isn't it? We don't shun anyone here.

  Those words above and your own personal tragedies you've shared with us, just encourage me to keep on going even though I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. My surviving parent, sibling and one of my children are all still active members. It just saddens me so much to hear how your family treats you. I just don't think I could bear that right now. I know they would shun me if I made a clean break and da'd myself because they shun my da'd son in the name of helping him to see the error of his ways. So I just carry on doing nothing and stewing over wanting to fix everything and can't. The borg just ties our hands.

  Thank you again for all your encouragement. It helps!

  Had Enough
• 
  50

  Does the Watchtower break up famelies?

  by OlderTom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my word it does.. when i started studying with the witlesses all of my family and inlaws deserted me for following a stupit cult.

  my wife divorced me and my children won't talk to me.. that's ok because according to jdubs that proves it's the truth.. as i progressed in "the truth(tm)" all my friends started to abandon me because i was always going to those booring meetings.. when i found someone i liked in "the truth" and started associating with her, some of my witness friends tried to break up the friendship.. ie break up another family before it even starts.. after i married her without getting the elder permission, some of my jdub friends tried to df me, to show how much they loved me.. when they failed to df me some of my witless friends decided to shun me anyway even though the elders pronounced us no guilty.. i should have sued the bastards for slander.

  today i'd just give him (the instigator) a good hiding.

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  Had Enough

  To Older Tom:

  Hi: I totally agree that it does break up families.

  It absolutely just breaks my heart to read your experience and those of so many on this thread. I appreciate the sarcastic humour you use to describe how those 'friends' acted just as they have been taught to. Their "fruits" are rotten, from a rotten tree. You seem to have a good grip on getting over it but we all know how deep these wounds run and the affect they have on our lives always remains. You lost association with your children because of the truth but "gained a new family" as proof of being in the "truth" and now your "new family" finds it acceptable to stab you in the back. How disgraceful! Glad you are here to offer us your experience and insights.

  TO Hester Pryne:

  Welcome to this family! Your story just adds to my confirmation that I am doing the right thing by not associating.

  I appreciate the 'name' you go by. I too went through the 1980's 'witch hunts' that were carried on in the name of cleansing the org much like what Hester had to endure at the hands of the Puritans. (I was df'd even though I was repentant and lost the close friendship of one I thought was my dearest friend because to be df'd meant you weren't repentant and that was "proof" of my attitude). When I tried to get an elder to explain it to me when I was reinstated, he just said "Leave it alone. Just go on from here". Trouble is, all that is, is a dirty bandage covering a wound that won't heal.

  I too just shake my head in disbelief when I keep reading more and more experiences of how many families have been torn apart by this "so-called only religion preaching the truth".

  Please don't feel you're whining when you express yourself. You will find most have listening ears and much needed words of encouragement. Wounds heal much better with the soothing ointment of kindness.

  Each day I am more convinced I've...

  Had Enough
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  71

  My Identity!

  by qwerty in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  that got you to read this!

  what country are you from?.

  i find it encouraging to see where different posters are from in the world, especially for me, if you are from the uk or europe.

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  Had Enough

  Hi all!

  I'm from Canada.

  I'm in a similar situation as OrangeBlossom. I too am still considered a member even though I haven't attended a meeting in about 2 years except for Memorial and Assemblies. My situation too is that I have family members still needing me and I need them and so this gradual leaving is the only way for me for now.

  At least I'm free of the burden of pressure and guilt trips and it does feel good.

  Had Enough
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  40

  Have I changed?

  by mommy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  as most of you know i am new to the world of the internet.

  therefore i am new to the discussion board forum.

  when i first entered simon's place, i did not fear to speak my mind.

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  Had Enough

  Hi Mommy:

  I've only been coming to this site for about 2 months. I made my first post about 1 month ago with my story even though I was very nervous to do so. I didn't know what kind of reaction I would get and was afraid of being put down and told to grow up or stop whining or someother bit of nastiness. Yet I just had to get it off my chest and move on so I took the plunge.

  You were among the first ones who answered me, and you were so kind. You gave me my first ((((((HUGS)))))). You maybe don't realize how much your kindness came across loud and clear and it was so important to me at that vulnerable time for me. Your posts reflect your honesty and sincerity and I hope you don't stop being that way. I was going to email you this "Thanks" but this thread came up so I'm printing here instead.

  You say

  I am also touched and my heart cries for some posts, and I don't know what to do with that emotion as well.

  Please just use that emotion to keep saying your kind words with the empathy that you show. You probably have no idea how much it helps those who need it.

  I'd like to say more but have to sign off now for awhile but please know that you have helped me with just those few words to me and the
  other many posts you have made to others.

  Had Enough
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  17

  To Rick on H2O...

  by Simon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just posted this on h2o and though i'd put a copy here as well.... hi rick,.

  i just thought it may be appropriate for me to express my appreciation for your site and what you have accomplished over the last few years and i'm sure will continue to do.. like many others, h2o was one of the sites which helped to open my eyes to the watchtower society and beliefs and practices of jehovahs witnesses and realise that there were things seriously wrong which a lot of other people saw as well - it wasn't just limited to our local congregation.. i did participate on h2o occasionally as caliban but never really kept up-to-date with all the posters, personalities and what was going on between them.. the reason i decided to create an alternative forum, www.jehovahs-witness.com, was because at the time it appeared that the very pro-jw community was well served by witnet and the anti-jw's had h2o but that it may have been a bit too much for the 'mildly curious' jw to visit.

  my idea was to have a forum more like witnet which would gradually allow more open discussion than was allowed there without being too off putting to many as a way of introducing the issues to them more gently.. i'm sure your views and standpoints have changed over the years and mine have too.

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  Had Enough

  I feel the same way Simon, about if the Society crumbles too fast the people will need all the help they can get. If that happens, many will probably be still at the point that many of us were at, thinking that we were the only ones who had "the truth", so their whole foundation will have been destroyed and they won't know which way to turn. At least with many of us, our transition has been gradual.

  My enlightenment started with doubts too (even though I repressed them, blaming my lack of faith), then culminated with my son being officially da'd by the elders.(long story) The final crunch came for me when I read the 'Crisis' book and learned more of what the WTS and the GB had done while claiming to be directed by God.

  I remember the disbelief, the shock, the anger and the resulting tears of sadness at seeing all the things I had been taught and based my life on, just crumble away before my eyes. I just felt empty for a while, but coming to these sites has been the best medicine I could have found. I know that as time goes on, many many more will be joining us and hopefully there will be enough sites to help them all.

  They'll sure need it!

  Had Enough